There are probably numerous articles out there discussing the downfalls of studying during quarantine. Still, it is a little different when you are graduating amidst one.
After four years in college, there is no doubt that it is a challenging experience. It is mentally, emotionally, and sometimes because of all the walking, even physically demanding. Despite all of these, over a year into the pandemic, there is nowhere I would rather be than in my university. I took a lot of things for granted before the quarantine and now that I am graduating, lifting the lockdown would not return these missed opportunities. Going back to normal would not exactly mean going back to normal. I kept telling myself, “there’s no need to rush, I still have a year of college left”. Well, who would have thought that everything would change so drastically?
There were so many lasts we missed. Last walk around the campus as one of its students. Last eat-out in Area 2. Last run across the oval. No matter how many times we go back, it will never be the same.
I honestly could not remember my last day on campus. I guess it was just like any other day. There was no indication that anything different would happen the week after. I even let my friend borrow my charger because I knew that we would see each other after the upcoming weekend. After spending every weekday in the university, I knew exactly where I wanted to eat, what I wanted to order, and where in the gigantic campus my classes are. Just when I was able to adjust to university life, the rug was pulled from under me. There is a whole new system to get used to with a different learning environment. This quarantine has stolen so many opportunities and experiences. Gone were the little celebrations after crushing an exam. Gone were the shared laughs over being crushed by an exam—no more inspiration from random crushes you see on campus. Receiving your grade in class while comparing it with your seatmates is not the same as getting an email from your professor. The collective suffering, the morning after staying up late cramming for a long paper, and the camaraderie of celebrating after are all stolen from us.
I always imagined my graduating year to be filled with experiences I put on hold. I would finally attend the entire week of the UP Fair because it was going to be my last. I would do away with the guilt of exams the next day because I get to use my “it's my last year” card. I would say yes to more inumans, more clutch dinners, and late-night org hangs because my time on campus is limited. It was exciting to have a milestone to look forward to because it becomes its very reward that would let me enjoy things I would typically feel guilty for. The very motivation of finishing college and graduating is even taken away by the pandemic. Some part of me keeps wishing that I can stay here longer so that I can still return to campus when everything is okay. This takes away the satisfaction of having accomplished something difficult. Everything is different for us. The sunflowers that bloom every year for graduates and yet never quite bloomed similarly for us. We were left to our own devices to go there and take pictures if we could. That is so distinctly different from passing through them and being bolstered even when you’re struggling to pass your final papers because you know that they are blooming for you. The whole experience lacks the sense of fulfillment and accomplishment that comes with celebrating the culmination of completing the four years of college.
There is a sense of finality in never being in the same place in your life. In the next instance, you will see each other, you would not be batchmates anymore. We would all be alumni. Some you may not even cross paths with again. While the closest ones, you probably last saw on a random Friday in March of your junior year. People you have seen every day and ate side by side for three years will now suddenly be studying or working in different cities. The lack of goodbyes and certainty of having said goodbye is taken away.
There were so many lasts we missed. Last walk around the campus as one of its students. Last eat-out in Area 2. Last run across the oval. No matter how many times we go back, it will never be the same.
As college anticlimactically ends, it is unavoidable to think of what will happen in the future. I am about to pursue higher studies with still the same setup, but with people I probably won’t meet in person for a long time. While other countries are going back to normal, we are still here stuck with the same pandemic with no end in sight. There is no sense of closure and ending, just silently moving on to the next chapter of our lives.
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